Last night we were laying in the camper watching the Walking Dead. I had to do a double take when I remembered that an hour earlier Chris and I were sitting outside mouths open as a family of bald eagles circled our camp. A river clearer and colder than any I’d ever seen was rushing past 50 feet away, and in the morning we would startle a beaver while crossing it.
This is real, we are actually living the life we had dreamed of. Our camper now feels entirely like home, the remnants of novelty and adjustment are dissolving and the anxiety of what comes next is fading along with it. Somehow I’ve found an ability to step away from the overwhelming voices that say we must do something, achieve something, and we’d better do it soon, and quickly, in order to feel accomplished. productive. justified. I can now look at that anxiety and separate from it, at least enough to take another step away from it. All our lives we are taught that we must contribute, and when we do, we are satiated. But shortsighted contribution may actually be longsighted damage. So keeping a head on your shoulders and refusing to get caught up in the emotional triggers gnawing at you to give in and just do something has now become possible. This side of life is so bright, so open and full of possibility. By accepting a slower pace, and believing the heart over the mind, life gets really fun, really big, and really clear. The mind is so good at creating distractions! And so certain these distractions are worthwhile! This is something to be expanded on in the midst of one of these episodes at a later time, as now the smile and attention are too connected to provide a good description of these tricks of the mind.
Detaching from the sense of required deliverable to prove meaningful existence is essential to finding truth. Without disarming this guard of the heart, you can’t take the first step in.